i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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