Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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