Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
