I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
