I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
