You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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