You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
