His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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