I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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