Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
