my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
