It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
