I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
