"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize