I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
