And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
