I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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