I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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