She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
