Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
