Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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