is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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