booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
