My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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