he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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