Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
