I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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