I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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