i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
