Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
