the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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