Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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