it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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