I accidentally burped into my bong.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
