turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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