3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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