So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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