dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
