I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
