I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
