It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
