Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
