so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
