But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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