My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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