I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
