dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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