it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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