a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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