garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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