I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
