time to smoke my breakfast
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
