why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
