I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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